I Will Wait (not your typical post about waiting)

Its 3a.m. and instead of sleeping or prepping for my class in 5 hours, I am here blogging. Mostly because I have an idea in my head and my friend (Shout out T.P) recently asked me if I was still blogging, so I figured I'd post something!


SO, I recently had an epiphany....or maybe just a light got brighter in my mind about who I am and what I want. Over the recent thanksgiving break I had a chance to be really introspective and consider a few things about this year so far for myself. The break lent itself to this because I stayed back in Austin to get some Exam prep done. (how that worked out is a different topic.)

I saw a tweet that said something along the lines of "At any given time most girls have about 3 guys they are consistently texting and they are most interested in the one who is least interested."

 I feel like I have changed so much since law school started and not all in ways I like. I remember a conversation with my sister while i was an undergrad, about a guy, whatever new guy had my attention that season, and how I was no longer going to be associating with him because he was not as interested as I would want of someone requesting the privilege of my time. Maybe it was arrogant, maybe it was confidence who knows? I know I want to be pursued and so a guy who was waiting on me to act all the time would have to hit the road very quickly. 

Fast forward to the last year and I feel like while I am much busier, I have begun to devalue my time. Which is INSANE because I am literally busier than I've ever been in my life. I think this may be linked to my confidence in myself which has taken a hit in the last year, more academically than anything else, but I think when you're used to being one of the smarter people in the room you have no idea how linked that is to other parts of your identity. Needless to say I have not achieved academic prowess in my recent endeavor and my general confidence must have taken a hit. (This is my current theory.) As a result of this shift/shrink in confidence, I think I have wasted more time on people (guys) who I don't think are interested in me, and some who I am not even really interested in. I also think some of this stems from my belief (which statistics seems to support) that women especially black women with higher education are less marriable, whether that stems from somethign within, a level of pride that many men cant deal with, or something without, in society that says a woman is either a career woman or a homemaker and not both. This also is a topic for a different post. 

My point is, I figured I'd really like to meet my husband while in law school, get married sometime soon afterward and let that be a part factor in where I live and practice. This belief, I think has led me to be more open to people that maybe I should not be open to at all. Not saying I am desperate (ahem, the current term is thirst... such a gross word) but I guess I always thought I was single in undergrad because I was too picky or just felt like I had all the time in the world, and now that has magically changed. I somehow started to think if I would just try harder, take more rubbish, be less assertive, be less...me, I would have better luck. 

WHICH OF COURSE IS INSANE. I am 23years old for goodness sakes, I have nothing but time. Time to invest in my relationship with the Lord, friends and family, school and career and so much more. I have time that I cannot begin to devalue, not just YET. So my epiphany is thus: VALUE YOUR WAITING TIME. Because by doing so, you give it away very carefully and not all willynilly to anyone who inquires of a few minutes. I realize I really truly would rather have a 30minute chat with a dear girlfriend and pour into her life than give away my valuable free time to a man who I have not EVEN decided that I am interested in, and needless to say, as is often typical of many guys my age these days, he himself has not given it much thought.


 So, Say Goodbye to crazy unconfident 2013 Ayo.
 UNTIL THEN, I WILL WAIT, PATIENTLY WHILE VALUE-ING MY TIME. Prov 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.