CHANGE is..........unfamiliar

There's nothing like returning to place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have been altered.- Nelson Mandela

I often wished I was blessed with the gift of words, to be able to weave together beautiful sentences that describe exactly what is on my heart. Alas, I was not, so I enjoy quoting others who were. The above quote by Nelson Mandela explains what I have been unable to about my recent trip to my home country. I experiences variety of emotions. Anxiety, Anger, Joy, Peace, Love



Anxiety:

Most of my friends remember me telling them before I left, I dont want to get kidnapped or maried in Nigeria. While I was mostly kidding, my anxiety about my personal physical safety was atop my mind. I felt like when people hear my accent, they would assume I was rich and being in a place with high poverty and crime rates, its just a bit worrisome. Yes, I grew up there, but that did not serve to reduce my anxiety because I had experienced some of that violence firsthand and heard countless more stories.



Anger:

After a few days may shoulders relaxed, I began to smile easier and not have a panic attack when my parents were out of my view, then came anger. I begun to get angry at what litle had changed about the country. NINE YEARS LATER, and the roads that shortened the lifespan of my parents vehicles were just as bad, in the best cases. Traffic in some places remained unchanged or worsened.

Joy:

Incidentally, my name means *my joy has come* and this was certainly the case for some of the members of my biological and church family who had not seen me in 9years, but more so for me. It was very good to be seen. To be overwhelmed with joy in knowing that, I didnt DREAM these places. They exist, and are STILL THERE! There was a joy in knowing that this place is home in one sense, and even though ONLY in very small ways, were changing a little.

Peace

The Peace was definitely a welcome relief. It was like lifting heavy load off an old woman's back. "AHHHHHH" she exclaims, "Thank you, my child." The peace that came to me on this trip was certainly unique. I don't believe that a tourist could ever feel this in a strangers land. There was a moment when I'd hear someone yell my name, and AHHHHH, like the sound from Sprite commercials, no need to correct them. No need to say, "No, its AYE- O, not AY owe." Just that peace that reminds me that THIS place, right here was home, and no matter how long I am away in diaspora, this place would always be home. And I cant say I mind that!

Love