I just had a moment today, and decided to blog about it. I am usually less impulsive about my blog posts, but everyone is allowed their 5 seconds of madness....right?
I get really angry when people try to tell me to lower my standards about who and what I want to end up with as if it Impossible. Yes, Im 21 and would like to someday get married, but knowing what I know about what my ideal road to marriage looks like, I have come to the conclusion that the "someday" may be a LONG time from now. And for now, I am okay with that. It really bothers me that other people seem to be unable to respect that even though how I envision going from Meet to Friendship to dating to engaged and married will go is untraditional yet very traditional and old school in a sense. I don't want to go into too much detail about what I want, BUT, its very easy to see (on the days I choose to be objective) when I don't see those things in a person or situation.
A friend is getting married in a month and I went to their wedding page and read their "Our Story" and was almost moved to tears because it mirrors what I want so YES, even if I have to wait till I'm 48 to get married, if its to the right man, then its 48 years too short.
Because other people's standards are different and in some cases, lower, doesn't mean I need to give in on the things I don't want. The way I see it, the things you want in a spouse (as long as they are not clearly unreasonable)should closer to a multiple choice LSAT test question and less like an open ended question. Let me explain. In an open ended test question, especially if you are a student like me, that question gives you a bit of room to do what you want with the answer, it can go in different direction, so that means that question was designed to fit a numerous possibilities of right answer. But in a multiple choice test question, while some of the other options look good, some are outright WRONG, and then there is one that fits the best. So, if the things a person wants in a spouse only happen to bracket in a few men in the country, so be it. If the goal is to keep it as open as possible then my list would look something like this
Things I want in a husband
1. A male human born before 1989.
Anyway, agree or disagree, I just want people to stop being negative and telling me what I can or cannot find.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Friday, April 20, 2012
Adventures of a Texas Omoge Part 3: ITS A JUNGLE OUT THERE
I know, I know, as someone who is more than aware of the level of ignorance about Africa from many Americans, I probably shouldn't make a statement like "Its a Jungle out there" But this expression describes a bit of what I experienced in Nigeria.
Like I have stated in previous posts, I had not been to Nigeria in 9 years. This may not seem like a lot to many people, but let me qualify this for you. When I got to the U.S. I went to the 8th grade. I now have a college degree. In those very formative years of my life, I have gotten very acclimatized to a certain way of living. This post is not meant to make Nigeria sound like an awful place to live. BUT unwittingly, I will communicate the truth, which is Driving in Lagos is PURE MADNESS. It is as though there is a silent Battle between the Okadas (commercial motorcycles).
Danfo drivers,
Keke Marwa
(newest addition since I left)
BRT Buses
and the Privately owned vehicles.
These different modes of transportation fight for control of the road so, whereas traffic here in Houston TX looks more like this
Notice the rows of cars all facing the same direction..............?
Compare to Lagos Traffic where
(I wish I had been able to actually take these photos, thanks Google) Because I dont think this picture of the traffic in lagos accurately captures what it looked like and felt like. To me, it just felt like everywhere you turn a car or motorcycle woudl bust out. I mean, on my ride to the house from the airport we got hit by a motorcycle driver and he knocked off the drivers side rearview mirror. CAN YOU IMAGINE MY HORROR. First day back after 9 years, If I were behind the wheel, I would have had to fight the desire to U-TURN to the airport.
Like many developing countries, the gap between the rich and poor is very wide, and I think the traffic situation is a great equalizer of people. The extremely weathly still have to get from one place to another and when they are on these roads they share with everyone else, they all suffer the same frequent dents on their cars and AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL roads.
Like I have stated in previous posts, I had not been to Nigeria in 9 years. This may not seem like a lot to many people, but let me qualify this for you. When I got to the U.S. I went to the 8th grade. I now have a college degree. In those very formative years of my life, I have gotten very acclimatized to a certain way of living. This post is not meant to make Nigeria sound like an awful place to live. BUT unwittingly, I will communicate the truth, which is Driving in Lagos is PURE MADNESS. It is as though there is a silent Battle between the Okadas (commercial motorcycles).
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Adventures of a Texas Omoge Pt2. : East or West
IN my 12 day visit to Nigeria, I got to meet a bunch of people. Many of my Dads coworkers, church folks, family members and what not. And it seemed as though they all planned it because people kept saying things like "East or West, Home is the Best" or We need you people to come fix this country, and all these other hints to the benefits of moving back to Nigeria. Of course, most of these people are folks who have never lived (long term) outside the country. Many have visited the U.S. or U.K. for short periods, but never lived for 9 years, which means their perspective is a bit thwarted.
This brings me to the point about the word "HOME" what exactly is home, for someone like me. I can make some great arguments about Nigeria being home, seeing as its where most of my family is, its where I was born, it is my motherland. BUT I can equally make some great arguments for the U.S. being home. My friends and life is here. I LOVE it here, life makes sense here. School, work, relationships, spiritual home and everything else. I appreciate many things about both countries, and I am UNIQUELY blessed to be able to experience two very different places because it gives me a very unique perspective.
For my parents and their friends, I know the ultimate goal is to return and make a life in Nigeria. This is a future that is not really tangible to me. Please don't misunderstand me, I would never say never, but as at right now, the level of anxiety that I had being in that country for 2 weeks, is much too serious for me to pack my bags and go to Nigeria and do......what? Will that change...? Potentially, but until then I am on the path to getting my law degree and planning a life that is here in the United States, and making frequent visits to my home country, and maybe exploring some possibilities. There is ALSO the small fact that I am a woman, who would like to be married someday, and depending on when that happens and to whom it does, that decision will probably not be mine to make alone.
UNTIL THEN! I am a Nigerian American living and LOVING it in America, where, fortunately LIFE MAKES SENSE.
See my next post about some of the things that dont make sense in Nigeria.
This brings me to the point about the word "HOME" what exactly is home, for someone like me. I can make some great arguments about Nigeria being home, seeing as its where most of my family is, its where I was born, it is my motherland. BUT I can equally make some great arguments for the U.S. being home. My friends and life is here. I LOVE it here, life makes sense here. School, work, relationships, spiritual home and everything else. I appreciate many things about both countries, and I am UNIQUELY blessed to be able to experience two very different places because it gives me a very unique perspective.
For my parents and their friends, I know the ultimate goal is to return and make a life in Nigeria. This is a future that is not really tangible to me. Please don't misunderstand me, I would never say never, but as at right now, the level of anxiety that I had being in that country for 2 weeks, is much too serious for me to pack my bags and go to Nigeria and do......what? Will that change...? Potentially, but until then I am on the path to getting my law degree and planning a life that is here in the United States, and making frequent visits to my home country, and maybe exploring some possibilities. There is ALSO the small fact that I am a woman, who would like to be married someday, and depending on when that happens and to whom it does, that decision will probably not be mine to make alone.
UNTIL THEN! I am a Nigerian American living and LOVING it in America, where, fortunately LIFE MAKES SENSE.
See my next post about some of the things that dont make sense in Nigeria.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
ADVENTURES of a Texas Omoge Part 1
As my "about me" says, I moved out of Lagos, Nigeria in 2003 and had not been back since, UNTIL, this month. On March 8th 2012, I got on a Delta Airline plane to visit my home country, and BOY! was it an interesting trip. I have lots to talk about, and in an effort to not be overwhelming, I will break it all down into a number of posts, and help guide my non Nigerian readers with some pictures. Sound good? Good!
Post. 1 The Journey (To and Fro) I decided to fly Delta airlines to save about $100, and have one stop over in ATL. And this turned out to have MAYBE not been the best decision ever. A 40 minute delay in Houston caused me (and about 8 other people) to miss our connecting flight in ATL to Lagos, so I ended up stuck in Atlanta, Georgia for 24 HOURS! WHAT IN THE WORLD? I was so upset about it, and the whole situation, was not even handled well by customer service. I made my way to my hotel with one of the other people in the same situation as me, woke up and took the train to go sight seeing in Atlanta. So Atlanta was alright, Actually truly enjoyed seeing the city.
P.S. ATLANTA has a lot of Black people. That was really cool, and somewhat of a good prep for Nigeria! Lol. Finally made it into Nigeria on Saturday March 10th.
FAST FORWARD TO my return trip. At the airport, the people at the check in area first tell me that my "DIRECT FLIGHT" from Lagos to ATL is stopping in Accra, Ghana to change crew.
GHANA!
I thought, OH GEEZ, this is about to be a HOT MESS AGAIN! Then, the lady tells me to hurry up to the Gate because the plane would be leaving early. I was confused since it was only abt 7p.m. and my flight was scheduled to depart at 9:35 P.M. I still hung with the the parents and said my goodbyes (with minimum tears, of course!)
N.B. Hanging with my parents in Nigeria was SO MUCH FUN! They are too cute!
Finally headed to the gate about 7 45, got through security and what not, and by 8 p.m. I was sitting at my gate. Turns out our plane was not leaving early as she LIED to me, we left Lagos as scheduled and flew 30 minutes to Accra, Ghana, to "change flight crew" which ended up taking us about 2 hours. We finally left Ghana, and sometime after my Nap #2, I heard an announcement, first asking if there was a Doctor on Board. THEN another asking if a passenger had Vaseline, or Ky-Gel or something of that nature. I considered offering my lip gloss but soon fell back asleep.
Long story short, a pregnant passenger had fallen into labor, and a few hours later, we were landing the plane in Dakar, Senegal to get her medically cleared to continue to the U.S. One of the hostesses paraded the brand new baby boy around the aircraft! #Preciousmoments
This entire trip makes for a very funny story, and thankfully, miles compensation from Delta airlines which means I JUST might be taking off soon to go see Barcelona!!!!!!!!!
Post. 1 The Journey (To and Fro) I decided to fly Delta airlines to save about $100, and have one stop over in ATL. And this turned out to have MAYBE not been the best decision ever. A 40 minute delay in Houston caused me (and about 8 other people) to miss our connecting flight in ATL to Lagos, so I ended up stuck in Atlanta, Georgia for 24 HOURS! WHAT IN THE WORLD? I was so upset about it, and the whole situation, was not even handled well by customer service. I made my way to my hotel with one of the other people in the same situation as me, woke up and took the train to go sight seeing in Atlanta. So Atlanta was alright, Actually truly enjoyed seeing the city.
P.S. ATLANTA has a lot of Black people. That was really cool, and somewhat of a good prep for Nigeria! Lol. Finally made it into Nigeria on Saturday March 10th.
FAST FORWARD TO my return trip. At the airport, the people at the check in area first tell me that my "DIRECT FLIGHT" from Lagos to ATL is stopping in Accra, Ghana to change crew.
GHANA!
I thought, OH GEEZ, this is about to be a HOT MESS AGAIN! Then, the lady tells me to hurry up to the Gate because the plane would be leaving early. I was confused since it was only abt 7p.m. and my flight was scheduled to depart at 9:35 P.M. I still hung with the the parents and said my goodbyes (with minimum tears, of course!)
N.B. Hanging with my parents in Nigeria was SO MUCH FUN! They are too cute!
Finally headed to the gate about 7 45, got through security and what not, and by 8 p.m. I was sitting at my gate. Turns out our plane was not leaving early as she LIED to me, we left Lagos as scheduled and flew 30 minutes to Accra, Ghana, to "change flight crew" which ended up taking us about 2 hours. We finally left Ghana, and sometime after my Nap #2, I heard an announcement, first asking if there was a Doctor on Board. THEN another asking if a passenger had Vaseline, or Ky-Gel or something of that nature. I considered offering my lip gloss but soon fell back asleep.
Long story short, a pregnant passenger had fallen into labor, and a few hours later, we were landing the plane in Dakar, Senegal to get her medically cleared to continue to the U.S. One of the hostesses paraded the brand new baby boy around the aircraft! #Preciousmoments
This entire trip makes for a very funny story, and thankfully, miles compensation from Delta airlines which means I JUST might be taking off soon to go see Barcelona!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
SOULMATES...............?
I, like most women my age grew up fantasizing about the concept of a "soulmate" or the concept of finding "the one." Between Cinderella, Pretty Woman and similar themed movies, I dont think we are to blame. But I am now a little older and I recently got a completely new perspective on this topic. For me, more specifically, I am a former subscriber to this notion that in all of the world, there is ONE GUY whom I will one day meet, and everything will just make sense, he will LOVE AND ADORE everything about me, even the weird and slightly creepy stuff. He would be my....soulmate. And of course rises the question, where is he? Because if the ONE was living in a small uncivilized people group in southern Australia, I might be doomed to search forever. And here is a few reasons why this idea is so prevalent:
1. It makes us feel warm and fuzzy.
2. It leaves us exactly the way we are. No reason to ever improve myself because my "soulmate" will find me PERFECT the way I am.
3. It gives us an easy cop out/escape route for when things get hard. This is one of the reasons why people accept divorce, because who is going to argue with a reason like "turns out she/he wasn't my soulmate"
The problem is....... this is misleading. At least in my opinion. When two people meet and decide to get married, and they are both seeking God and Holiness together, being soulmates... is not a requirement, even being romantically in love with the butterflies in their tummy is not a requirement. The requirement is that they Love God and are committed to Him, and they love one another, which is easy because if they are both Christians they are required to love all people anyway.
I also havent seen anything in the bible that supports this idea.
(Even though I am young and very single)I believe that marriage is a unique miracle where you have 2 different people with different ideas and experiences, uniting and becoming one, and raising a family together. I think it is incredible, therefore incredibly difficult, and the very idea of having a soulmate to me, takes away from that, making people believe that if its the right person you won't have to work hard at ANYTHING AT ALL. #LIES
In the interest of keeping it short and sweet, thats all I will say on the topic. I am Ayo and I no longer believe in a soulmates.
Feel free to comment on this article...do you agree...... disagree...why?
Thursday, January 19, 2012
OUR EXPECTATIONS vs Gods Will
John 5:6-7 (ESV)
6 When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had already been there a long time, he said to him, “Do you want to be healed?” 7 The sick man answered him, “Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, and while I am going another steps down before me.” 8 Jesus said to him, “Get up, take up your bed, and walk.”
Notice something in this verse. Jesus asks the man "DO you want to be healed" He responded to a question, but not the one asked. He had been sitting in this place for 38years and his mind was locked into a belief that the only way he would obtain healing was IF AND ONLY IF he could get someone to get him into the water. His time at the pool had made him tunnel vision. And HOW different are we. I recall a time when I was struggling to raise the funds for my study abroad, and I was expecting that I'd get a rich benefactor or a random scholarship to pay for the trip. I was blessed with the funds through the contribution of friends and family and NOT how I expected it would come. I also remember stressing about how I would live without steady income for 5months in a foreign city my last semester of undergrad, and instead of me getting a surprise check in the mail, or my unpaid internship turning PAID, He provided me with opportunities that saved me money, so I even had enough left over at the end of the internship to take a flight to Missouri.
ALL these to say, HIS WAYS are NOT our ways, so be VERY CAREFUL that you are not STUCK expecting a blessing, or an answer to a prayer to come from ONE specific means, you JUST never KNOW.
Sincerely,
Onlyayo
BACK FROM A BLOGGING.......DRYSPELL I guess
RAN.......(maybe wrong word) COMPLETED A 5K (3.1 miles)on January 15th, 2012. And am I proud of myself??? WELL OF COURSE! To God be the Glory though, because I am pretty sure I am anti-athletic. I have probably worked out less than 20day in my entire life, BUT, I was able to sign up for and participate in this event with some training. AND I lost some weight while training. Its been 5days since my race now, and I have not had an adequate work out. DEFINITELY need to get that together before I get too used to no physical exertion.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Dont ever FORGET what He did for you
I get as frustrated with people as the next person, and sometimes more than the next person. One of my dear friends once told me, "You canNOT hold people to the same standards that you hold yourself" and as I nodded, I thought to myself, WHY NOT? I used to have the opinion that if people were choosing to be in your life, then they should JUST DO WHAT YOU WANT!
Clearly, as God often shows me, I am WRONG, again!
Its definitely been taking some getting used to, this whole growing up thing. Being able to admit that I am wrong and that some of the things I just "KNEW" to be true a few months ago are in fact, false, unbiblical and pretty selfish.
The Main POint of this post though, is about FORGIVENESS! I was at Singles bible study a few weeks ago and a young couple was speaking about a few things and the husband mentioned something that definitely stuck with me. He said Marriage is about Love and Commitment and all that, YES, but it is also grounded very strongly on forgiveness. For those who dont believe, thing about how frustrating ANY kind of relationship is with a person who somehow remembers EVERY wrong thing you ever did. It is like they want you to be perfect (which you arent)and PUNISH you for ever instance when you are not. His argument was built around the fact that we WILL mess up in our relationships, and we will be offended by other people, but the Heart to forgive is SO important to heal from those hurts.
A famous quote say to Err is Human, but to Forgive is Divine.
DIVINE, huh? Like from Above...Like from Heaven. Which is my real point. John 3:16 which we all love to quote reminds us of God's Love which is so great that he gave his son that we may have life. The reason that Love is SO MIND blowing is that we do NOT deserve it. I mean, its like if you go to work and earn a wage, getting that text message that you got paid is not MINDblowing, its EXPECTED. But if you called in sick everyday for a month and you got paid, OR you quit a job and they still kept paying you, You'd be confused and EXCITED.
The reason we do not deserve God's love is that we are UNWORTHY, filthy and sinful creatures and we do NOT deserve the MAGNIFICIENT Love of a PERFECT, JUST God! We just DON'T! We cannot! Our "righteousness" like a filthy rag! BUT though our SINS, MY SINS, my lust, my lies, my pride, my envy, my malice....may be as scarlet they shall be white as snow Isaiah 1:18. No wonder we are referred to as Saints in the New Testament.
Anyway, when we harbor Unforgiveness in our heart about the wrongs that people have done us, REMEMBER your wrongs are MUCH GREATER and much worse. And HE forgave YOU!
So be joyful and show mercy unto others, its not really about them!
One little anecdote before I end this post:
A few years ago, a friend really hurt my feelings once, at the time I even referred to it as breaking my heart (now, I think I was probably a bit dramatic). I held on to it for awhile! And it took me TOO long to forgive and then furthermore to forget. Anyway, on a random weekend, the Lord put it on my heart to let this go, and stop holding on to the pain cuz it was really hurting me. And I made the decision to let it go and be DONE! And less than a week later, I get the most RANDOM text from this guy asking for my forgiveness for his actions years ago! I mean, WHAT WERE the chances, and I responded that I appreciate the apology, but forgiveness had already happened. So the message there is FORGIVE people, EVEN if they haven't asked for it.
Clearly, as God often shows me, I am WRONG, again!
Its definitely been taking some getting used to, this whole growing up thing. Being able to admit that I am wrong and that some of the things I just "KNEW" to be true a few months ago are in fact, false, unbiblical and pretty selfish.
The Main POint of this post though, is about FORGIVENESS! I was at Singles bible study a few weeks ago and a young couple was speaking about a few things and the husband mentioned something that definitely stuck with me. He said Marriage is about Love and Commitment and all that, YES, but it is also grounded very strongly on forgiveness. For those who dont believe, thing about how frustrating ANY kind of relationship is with a person who somehow remembers EVERY wrong thing you ever did. It is like they want you to be perfect (which you arent)and PUNISH you for ever instance when you are not. His argument was built around the fact that we WILL mess up in our relationships, and we will be offended by other people, but the Heart to forgive is SO important to heal from those hurts.
A famous quote say to Err is Human, but to Forgive is Divine.
DIVINE, huh? Like from Above...Like from Heaven. Which is my real point. John 3:16 which we all love to quote reminds us of God's Love which is so great that he gave his son that we may have life. The reason that Love is SO MIND blowing is that we do NOT deserve it. I mean, its like if you go to work and earn a wage, getting that text message that you got paid is not MINDblowing, its EXPECTED. But if you called in sick everyday for a month and you got paid, OR you quit a job and they still kept paying you, You'd be confused and EXCITED.
The reason we do not deserve God's love is that we are UNWORTHY, filthy and sinful creatures and we do NOT deserve the MAGNIFICIENT Love of a PERFECT, JUST God! We just DON'T! We cannot! Our "righteousness" like a filthy rag! BUT though our SINS, MY SINS, my lust, my lies, my pride, my envy, my malice....may be as scarlet they shall be white as snow Isaiah 1:18. No wonder we are referred to as Saints in the New Testament.
Anyway, when we harbor Unforgiveness in our heart about the wrongs that people have done us, REMEMBER your wrongs are MUCH GREATER and much worse. And HE forgave YOU!
So be joyful and show mercy unto others, its not really about them!
One little anecdote before I end this post:
A few years ago, a friend really hurt my feelings once, at the time I even referred to it as breaking my heart (now, I think I was probably a bit dramatic). I held on to it for awhile! And it took me TOO long to forgive and then furthermore to forget. Anyway, on a random weekend, the Lord put it on my heart to let this go, and stop holding on to the pain cuz it was really hurting me. And I made the decision to let it go and be DONE! And less than a week later, I get the most RANDOM text from this guy asking for my forgiveness for his actions years ago! I mean, WHAT WERE the chances, and I responded that I appreciate the apology, but forgiveness had already happened. So the message there is FORGIVE people, EVEN if they haven't asked for it.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Letter from God Part2
I apologize for not posting the rest of this up sooner.
I am able to do more for you and rejoice over you. I am so happy about how my Son has redeemed your life that I sing songs of love over you(Zephaniah 3:17). Listen to the song I am singing and you will know how much I love you.
I am not unaware of the battle against you, a battle between light and darkness. Let me fight your battle. Let me keep you sade, but you must keep close to me. I have won the bathe for your life with My Son, so you should never allow regrets of your past to be tools in Satan’s hands to defeat you, as I have already conquered them. You have grown to be a splendid woman of excellence and I will not cease in victory until I have purified and perfected you because I will not let you settle for less than Me. (Philippians 1:6)
You cannot do it alone (John 15:5); I never created you to be able to. Realize today that restoration is your portion from Me. I restore your soul; your heart, your emotions, your puriy, and every other part of your life (Psalms 23:3)
Let me restore you today. Let me elevate your body of death and let me transform your mind. Let me love you. I love you now. I love you then, I love you forever. Come to me
Sincerely,
God, The All Sufficient One.
I am able to do more for you and rejoice over you. I am so happy about how my Son has redeemed your life that I sing songs of love over you(Zephaniah 3:17). Listen to the song I am singing and you will know how much I love you.
I am not unaware of the battle against you, a battle between light and darkness. Let me fight your battle. Let me keep you sade, but you must keep close to me. I have won the bathe for your life with My Son, so you should never allow regrets of your past to be tools in Satan’s hands to defeat you, as I have already conquered them. You have grown to be a splendid woman of excellence and I will not cease in victory until I have purified and perfected you because I will not let you settle for less than Me. (Philippians 1:6)
You cannot do it alone (John 15:5); I never created you to be able to. Realize today that restoration is your portion from Me. I restore your soul; your heart, your emotions, your puriy, and every other part of your life (Psalms 23:3)
Let me restore you today. Let me elevate your body of death and let me transform your mind. Let me love you. I love you now. I love you then, I love you forever. Come to me
Sincerely,
God, The All Sufficient One.
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